Monday, June 26, 2006
Possibly the best night of my life
Back Story:
I met Audrey because her dad is one of the leader's of my old Boy Scout troop. Audrey moved around since her parents' divorce but she kept in touch with Molly because they were best friends growing up. One day when Audrey was in town, she brought Molly to the meeting and we connected pretty well.
Once I started talking to Molly, we'd hang (and make) out together until it got to the point where we decided to have sex together. It would be my first time and I'm only sure that it wouldn't have been Molly's first time. Now not to say Molly is a slut, but she explained that once they audibly established a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with each other that she would do anything with him. She also explained that she'd make an exception for me. Obviously, this boosted my ego to immeasurable heights so I had to take advantage of the situation.
Since Molly's parents went drinking every Friday night, we decided to do it then. Considering that I was not yet 16 at the time, I had to ride my bike there. So when I get there, we eventually start making out until she gives me a blowjob. While waiting for the figurative cannon to reload, we make out to keep it hot.I will always be thankful she went and drank a glass of water before we did this because, firstly and clearly, I don't want my own sperm in my mouth (Someone else's however....) and, secondly if I had had to tell her myself, there may have been a dispute and the rest of the hilarious, great story may not have happened.
While we were making out, Molly's parents come home.(We didn't hear them because the music was too loud.) Both of us are laying there naked on the sheets with her parents staring at us. As I try to apologize, her dad cuts me off saying "Just get out." I wasn't too sure how fast he wanted me out so I was going crazy thinking "Do I put my pants on? Does he want me to bike home naked as punishment? Will he give me time to get my clothes collected before he shoots me?" I eventually (really only something like 3 seconds but felt like forever in my head) grab my clothes and just cover up my private parts walking out the door. Seeing me struggle with opening the front door while still trying to keep everything covered, Molly's mom tells me "Put your goddamned pants on." Not wanting to incur any other wrath, I only put my pants on and walk out the door. Outside, I put on my shirt and shoes and stuff my underwear and socks into my pockets. I soon learned riding a bike in jeans with no underwear is hell.
In the summer of 2005, Audrey moved back to El Paso. We got to talking and went on a few dates together, but, due to her lack of social skills which was due to her being homeschooled most of her life, things never really went anywhere and I moved away to college anyways. We still talked, but it was just as friends and not a long-distance relationship.
Upon coming home for Christmas and realizing I went through all high school and was already eighteen, I was desperate to lose my virginity, which hadn't been shed due to several different ridiculous stories.(See above.) I figured the easiest way to do so would be prey on a someone socially-inadept and virtually friendless so I gave Audrey a call. She agreed to drink with me at my dad's office(There is a bed there and I rightly guessed it would be very unlikely for my parents to walk in) so I started to get ready, by which I mean get up the nerve to heartlessly steal a girl's innocence. The only way I saw to get such nerve was alcohol. I was already pretty buzzed when I picked her up and then we continued to drink upon getting to my dad's office.
After a lot of drunken banter and too many of my drunken rants, I tell Audrey "Your hair looks good like that"(which I apologetically admit it didn't look all that good) and I'm in. I begin to realize just what I am doing to the poor girl and have to turn off the lights because I can't look her in the face and turn the music up so I don't have to listen to her as much. Afterwards, I have to go to the bathroom so I put my pants on to do so because it was cold. The whole time I was going to the bathroom I was thinking "Just run. You have your keys in your pocket. You don't even have to look at her again." I didn't run, but I think she could see my distress so she didn't talk a lot after and I'm pretty sure she pretended to doze on the ride home so I wouldn't get too much more freaked out. If you haven't discerned, the event was traumatic for me (and more than likely for her as well).
Top Story:
While coming back home for the weekend, I was looking for something to do and Audrey invited me to the birthday party for Molly's sister Naomi at Molly's house. Upon my agreement, we had to get it cleared with Molly's parents that I was, in fact, allowed to step on their premises without fear of being shot. While I was walking up to the house, I realized that I wouldn't know anyone at this party and alcohol would likely be the only friend that paid attention to me. Lucky for me, they had a 5 gallon water-cooler full of Tequila Sunrise, which happens to be my favorite drink but I am too cheap/poor to pay for them so they remain a delicacy, so I got more than a few refills through the night. I even shared a joint with Molly's mom so either she didn't recognize me or didn't want to ruin the party because of me.
As the night went on, I figured I wouldn't be getting much in the way of sex because Audrey went to bed early (though she slept at Molly's house which is important later in the story) and Molly had a boyfriend. (I'm not that vile knowingly.) However, as I was sitting there watching one of the bands that played that night playing, a girl came up to me and asked if I had a lighter. I said I didn't and we introduced ourselves to each other. She asked me how old I was and, when I said 18, she said "Oh. Good thing you're legal." At this point, I realized it was going to be one of the best nights of my life.
Through whatever turn of events, Lisa and I get to talking later and decide to leave the party for a bit. We go to Dos Lagos Golf Course a little ways away because I thought it would be deserted and the grass would be soft enough to where we wouldn't have to stay in the car and get it dirty with whatever we would end up doing. Semi-unfortunately, we just had a big make-out session. She kept trying to interject these stupid comments, which I got the feeling were just to patronize me, so I effectively told her "Shut the fuck up, bitch" by forcing another kiss over her words. Eventually, we decided to head back to the party.
On the way back to the party, she kept kissing my neck and I would try to return an odd kiss or two while still staying on the road. Predictably, one kiss went too far and we drove off the 2-foot slope on the side of the road. However, while flying through the air before landing, I came to a realization. Kissing + Flying = Electric.
(My car doesn't seem broken, but the interior of my car (not the engine apparently) is now hot all the time though I couldn't be sure it's not just the time of year and the lack of tint on my car.)
When we got back to the house, Lisa said she'd give me her business card with her e-mail address on it.(She works at a salon named West End which becomes important later in the story) Hearing her say this made the thought arise in my mind that I had no idea how old this woman was. Just the thought that I would want to have some e-mail correspondence with her after the junk I heard her spew is ridiculous. That doesn't mean I'm not going to e-mail her, though. Have to line up my booty e-mails. I asked her how old she was and, when she said 28, I said "Oh. Good thing you're acceptable."(I didn't physically say that. Just in my mind.) She wrote her e-mail down and I saw how immature she was. It is "babyducks."
Lisa left the party after that and I stayed because I didn't feel like going home yet though the party was down to less than 15 people by that time. Standing around listening to different conversations, the birthday girl Naomi somehow got next to me and she asked if I wanted to go to the house for menudo. Since when I am in El Paso is the only time I can get menudo, I agreed. Thinking back on it, I don't think more than 100 words were exchanged between she and I, which I felt was incredibly pimp. The only things I really remember being said was some joke I made she laughed at and her asking what was happening with Lisa and I (since her and Lisa were friends).
When we finished eating and Naomi got all the drunken idiots still up to sleep, we went to her room. She said we would have to keep quiet so her parents wouldn't come in.(A lesson I had already learned from them) We were clearing her bed so we could get in it when I saw some children's books lying there and remembered Molly telling me a story about her niece so I began to wonder if this was the mother of said niece. (Naomi is 28.) It didn't bother me once I got the books out of my sight and we started getting down and dirty. However at this point, the Tequila Sunrises kicked in and whiskey dick soon followed.(If you are unfamiliar with whiskey dick, it is when you have drank so much that your penis can't get hard.) While remaining pretty much hard, I wasn't able to cum though she supposedly did so I felt like a pimp. She tried everything to try to get me to cum so I was able to cross more than a few debaucherous things off my list of things to do in life.
The whiskey dick eventually got to the point where I couldn't get hard anymore so we stopped. We put our shirts and underwear on so no one would get too upset if they walked in. Lucky we did this at that exact moment because, just as Naomi got her shirt on, Molly walked in. When she saw the two of use lying there, she said "Oh." then walked back out. Of course, a few seconds later, we hear Molly telling the story to Audrey, who had woken up as it was 6:30 in the morning. To make things worse, Audrey "accidentally" walks in for a peek right after.
We talked a little afterwards. When I saw how late/early it was, I told her I had to go home. Of course, she asked me to stay but I explained how my parents still have this image that I am a good kid and she gave in. She asks if I want to get together later in the week and, despite telling the truth, I felt like a dick telling her I wasn't coming back from school again until summer. She said "Well....you know where I live if you want to do anything." which was really a sad ending despite how much of a better experience it was than my first time, but I really had to go home. So I kissed her and left.
The next day I couldn't find Lisa's business card and I remembered my mom saying in the morning that she was going to go get her hair cut. The more I thought about it the worse it was. Who gets their hair cut on a Sunday? Plus, my mom used to get her hair cut at West End and I wasn't certain if she still did. I thought it would be badass though to see my mom kick the shit out of someone. However, my mom got home after I left so I didn't get to see if anyone won the fight that may have occurred.
First Moral of the Story: Thank God for sluts. (Not an insult. As you can see, I am quite a slut.)
Second Moral of the Story: I don't know what I am going to do once I become too old or fat and lose whatever good looks I have. Guess I better start developing something resembling game to get girls out of their pants.
I met Audrey because her dad is one of the leader's of my old Boy Scout troop. Audrey moved around since her parents' divorce but she kept in touch with Molly because they were best friends growing up. One day when Audrey was in town, she brought Molly to the meeting and we connected pretty well.
Once I started talking to Molly, we'd hang (and make) out together until it got to the point where we decided to have sex together. It would be my first time and I'm only sure that it wouldn't have been Molly's first time. Now not to say Molly is a slut, but she explained that once they audibly established a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with each other that she would do anything with him. She also explained that she'd make an exception for me. Obviously, this boosted my ego to immeasurable heights so I had to take advantage of the situation.
Since Molly's parents went drinking every Friday night, we decided to do it then. Considering that I was not yet 16 at the time, I had to ride my bike there. So when I get there, we eventually start making out until she gives me a blowjob. While waiting for the figurative cannon to reload, we make out to keep it hot.I will always be thankful she went and drank a glass of water before we did this because, firstly and clearly, I don't want my own sperm in my mouth (Someone else's however....) and, secondly if I had had to tell her myself, there may have been a dispute and the rest of the hilarious, great story may not have happened.
While we were making out, Molly's parents come home.(We didn't hear them because the music was too loud.) Both of us are laying there naked on the sheets with her parents staring at us. As I try to apologize, her dad cuts me off saying "Just get out." I wasn't too sure how fast he wanted me out so I was going crazy thinking "Do I put my pants on? Does he want me to bike home naked as punishment? Will he give me time to get my clothes collected before he shoots me?" I eventually (really only something like 3 seconds but felt like forever in my head) grab my clothes and just cover up my private parts walking out the door. Seeing me struggle with opening the front door while still trying to keep everything covered, Molly's mom tells me "Put your goddamned pants on." Not wanting to incur any other wrath, I only put my pants on and walk out the door. Outside, I put on my shirt and shoes and stuff my underwear and socks into my pockets. I soon learned riding a bike in jeans with no underwear is hell.
In the summer of 2005, Audrey moved back to El Paso. We got to talking and went on a few dates together, but, due to her lack of social skills which was due to her being homeschooled most of her life, things never really went anywhere and I moved away to college anyways. We still talked, but it was just as friends and not a long-distance relationship.
Upon coming home for Christmas and realizing I went through all high school and was already eighteen, I was desperate to lose my virginity, which hadn't been shed due to several different ridiculous stories.(See above.) I figured the easiest way to do so would be prey on a someone socially-inadept and virtually friendless so I gave Audrey a call. She agreed to drink with me at my dad's office(There is a bed there and I rightly guessed it would be very unlikely for my parents to walk in) so I started to get ready, by which I mean get up the nerve to heartlessly steal a girl's innocence. The only way I saw to get such nerve was alcohol. I was already pretty buzzed when I picked her up and then we continued to drink upon getting to my dad's office.
After a lot of drunken banter and too many of my drunken rants, I tell Audrey "Your hair looks good like that"(which I apologetically admit it didn't look all that good) and I'm in. I begin to realize just what I am doing to the poor girl and have to turn off the lights because I can't look her in the face and turn the music up so I don't have to listen to her as much. Afterwards, I have to go to the bathroom so I put my pants on to do so because it was cold. The whole time I was going to the bathroom I was thinking "Just run. You have your keys in your pocket. You don't even have to look at her again." I didn't run, but I think she could see my distress so she didn't talk a lot after and I'm pretty sure she pretended to doze on the ride home so I wouldn't get too much more freaked out. If you haven't discerned, the event was traumatic for me (and more than likely for her as well).
Top Story:
While coming back home for the weekend, I was looking for something to do and Audrey invited me to the birthday party for Molly's sister Naomi at Molly's house. Upon my agreement, we had to get it cleared with Molly's parents that I was, in fact, allowed to step on their premises without fear of being shot. While I was walking up to the house, I realized that I wouldn't know anyone at this party and alcohol would likely be the only friend that paid attention to me. Lucky for me, they had a 5 gallon water-cooler full of Tequila Sunrise, which happens to be my favorite drink but I am too cheap/poor to pay for them so they remain a delicacy, so I got more than a few refills through the night. I even shared a joint with Molly's mom so either she didn't recognize me or didn't want to ruin the party because of me.
As the night went on, I figured I wouldn't be getting much in the way of sex because Audrey went to bed early (though she slept at Molly's house which is important later in the story) and Molly had a boyfriend. (I'm not that vile knowingly.) However, as I was sitting there watching one of the bands that played that night playing, a girl came up to me and asked if I had a lighter. I said I didn't and we introduced ourselves to each other. She asked me how old I was and, when I said 18, she said "Oh. Good thing you're legal." At this point, I realized it was going to be one of the best nights of my life.
Through whatever turn of events, Lisa and I get to talking later and decide to leave the party for a bit. We go to Dos Lagos Golf Course a little ways away because I thought it would be deserted and the grass would be soft enough to where we wouldn't have to stay in the car and get it dirty with whatever we would end up doing. Semi-unfortunately, we just had a big make-out session. She kept trying to interject these stupid comments, which I got the feeling were just to patronize me, so I effectively told her "Shut the fuck up, bitch" by forcing another kiss over her words. Eventually, we decided to head back to the party.
On the way back to the party, she kept kissing my neck and I would try to return an odd kiss or two while still staying on the road. Predictably, one kiss went too far and we drove off the 2-foot slope on the side of the road. However, while flying through the air before landing, I came to a realization. Kissing + Flying = Electric.
(My car doesn't seem broken, but the interior of my car (not the engine apparently) is now hot all the time though I couldn't be sure it's not just the time of year and the lack of tint on my car.)
When we got back to the house, Lisa said she'd give me her business card with her e-mail address on it.(She works at a salon named West End which becomes important later in the story) Hearing her say this made the thought arise in my mind that I had no idea how old this woman was. Just the thought that I would want to have some e-mail correspondence with her after the junk I heard her spew is ridiculous. That doesn't mean I'm not going to e-mail her, though. Have to line up my booty e-mails. I asked her how old she was and, when she said 28, I said "Oh. Good thing you're acceptable."(I didn't physically say that. Just in my mind.) She wrote her e-mail down and I saw how immature she was. It is "babyducks."
Lisa left the party after that and I stayed because I didn't feel like going home yet though the party was down to less than 15 people by that time. Standing around listening to different conversations, the birthday girl Naomi somehow got next to me and she asked if I wanted to go to the house for menudo. Since when I am in El Paso is the only time I can get menudo, I agreed. Thinking back on it, I don't think more than 100 words were exchanged between she and I, which I felt was incredibly pimp. The only things I really remember being said was some joke I made she laughed at and her asking what was happening with Lisa and I (since her and Lisa were friends).
When we finished eating and Naomi got all the drunken idiots still up to sleep, we went to her room. She said we would have to keep quiet so her parents wouldn't come in.(A lesson I had already learned from them) We were clearing her bed so we could get in it when I saw some children's books lying there and remembered Molly telling me a story about her niece so I began to wonder if this was the mother of said niece. (Naomi is 28.) It didn't bother me once I got the books out of my sight and we started getting down and dirty. However at this point, the Tequila Sunrises kicked in and whiskey dick soon followed.(If you are unfamiliar with whiskey dick, it is when you have drank so much that your penis can't get hard.) While remaining pretty much hard, I wasn't able to cum though she supposedly did so I felt like a pimp. She tried everything to try to get me to cum so I was able to cross more than a few debaucherous things off my list of things to do in life.
The whiskey dick eventually got to the point where I couldn't get hard anymore so we stopped. We put our shirts and underwear on so no one would get too upset if they walked in. Lucky we did this at that exact moment because, just as Naomi got her shirt on, Molly walked in. When she saw the two of use lying there, she said "Oh." then walked back out. Of course, a few seconds later, we hear Molly telling the story to Audrey, who had woken up as it was 6:30 in the morning. To make things worse, Audrey "accidentally" walks in for a peek right after.
We talked a little afterwards. When I saw how late/early it was, I told her I had to go home. Of course, she asked me to stay but I explained how my parents still have this image that I am a good kid and she gave in. She asks if I want to get together later in the week and, despite telling the truth, I felt like a dick telling her I wasn't coming back from school again until summer. She said "Well....you know where I live if you want to do anything." which was really a sad ending despite how much of a better experience it was than my first time, but I really had to go home. So I kissed her and left.
The next day I couldn't find Lisa's business card and I remembered my mom saying in the morning that she was going to go get her hair cut. The more I thought about it the worse it was. Who gets their hair cut on a Sunday? Plus, my mom used to get her hair cut at West End and I wasn't certain if she still did. I thought it would be badass though to see my mom kick the shit out of someone. However, my mom got home after I left so I didn't get to see if anyone won the fight that may have occurred.
First Moral of the Story: Thank God for sluts. (Not an insult. As you can see, I am quite a slut.)
Second Moral of the Story: I don't know what I am going to do once I become too old or fat and lose whatever good looks I have. Guess I better start developing something resembling game to get girls out of their pants.
