Friday, February 20, 2004
Sometimes: Excerpts from the Mind of a Madman
Sometimes I blah blah blah.(Have to make it a genuine "Sometimes".) I cried the most I've cried in a couple of years.(Maybe not that long, but longer than I'd expect.) It was a couple of tear drops, my hardest I remind you, but they were those massive teardrops, at least they feel really big rolling down my cheeks. I hated myself for doing it because I never cry alone. It seems so dumb. I mean, no one is around to see you crying yeah, but I don't think a pillow would ever come close to a human(or monkey) shoulder.
I was "crying" about a lot of things really. That damn Tony Bellizi(Belizi? Beleezee? Gibson?) brought up a bunch of stuff for me to think about. First is my "friends." All a bunch of fakes. Raul making fun of me. Ashley blowing me off. Chris & Co. abandoning me. Mike's the only one really by my side it seems. Even though he has all the stupidest jokes(Joey Lawrence and the various walks), he's hilarious.
First of those "problems" is Raul. He was always the only one who ever thought I was right about getting out of here in the old days and now he's laughing at me because I don't have every single specific worked out. He asks what work I'm going to do and I say anything. So he says "I don't think you can be anything, Robbie." I'll slit that fat fuck's throat. Piece of shit best friend he is. He's right, though. If writing doesn't get me anywhere, I'm stuck(and fucked) for life.
Ashley hasn't talked to me in a while. She has some reason. I(always) have been acting like an ass, but I hate not talking to her for a while. It makes me feel empty inside as stupid as that may seem. I miss talking to her all the time, like back when we would talk for a couple of hours everyday. I think back then was when she liked me(if she ever liked me after The End(you know what I mean)) and I should have tried at least. Then, if she shot me down, there would be closure with this and then I wouldn't miss talking to someone so much(if that's better than missing them). I hate going places with her friends. They're cool and all, but I don't feel in front of them. She, however, knows all my weaknesses and doesn't care how stupid or gay I sound.
Chris & Co. is a whole other matter. I considered those fucks my friends and now they would never notice if I was gone. Like I care. They're a bunch of jerks most of the time anyways. Goddamn Chris is the worst. He says things that don't have anything to do with what we're talking about and it doesn't even make sense. Then, when I ask what the fuck he's saying, he says I'm a retard for not understanding. I'd kill that fucking leprechaun if it wasn't illegal. I try to ignore him, but he doesn't leave me the fuck alone. If I had less classes(or none I wish) with him, it'd be a lot more obvious and I wouldn't have to deal with him.....EVER!
I have a lot more to say, but that shall be in a later installment or maybe not.
"Be like the birds, sing after every storm."
Sometimes I blah blah blah.(Have to make it a genuine "Sometimes".) I cried the most I've cried in a couple of years.(Maybe not that long, but longer than I'd expect.) It was a couple of tear drops, my hardest I remind you, but they were those massive teardrops, at least they feel really big rolling down my cheeks. I hated myself for doing it because I never cry alone. It seems so dumb. I mean, no one is around to see you crying yeah, but I don't think a pillow would ever come close to a human(or monkey) shoulder.
I was "crying" about a lot of things really. That damn Tony Bellizi(Belizi? Beleezee? Gibson?) brought up a bunch of stuff for me to think about. First is my "friends." All a bunch of fakes. Raul making fun of me. Ashley blowing me off. Chris & Co. abandoning me. Mike's the only one really by my side it seems. Even though he has all the stupidest jokes(Joey Lawrence and the various walks), he's hilarious.
First of those "problems" is Raul. He was always the only one who ever thought I was right about getting out of here in the old days and now he's laughing at me because I don't have every single specific worked out. He asks what work I'm going to do and I say anything. So he says "I don't think you can be anything, Robbie." I'll slit that fat fuck's throat. Piece of shit best friend he is. He's right, though. If writing doesn't get me anywhere, I'm stuck(and fucked) for life.
Ashley hasn't talked to me in a while. She has some reason. I(always) have been acting like an ass, but I hate not talking to her for a while. It makes me feel empty inside as stupid as that may seem. I miss talking to her all the time, like back when we would talk for a couple of hours everyday. I think back then was when she liked me(if she ever liked me after The End(you know what I mean)) and I should have tried at least. Then, if she shot me down, there would be closure with this and then I wouldn't miss talking to someone so much(if that's better than missing them). I hate going places with her friends. They're cool and all, but I don't feel in front of them. She, however, knows all my weaknesses and doesn't care how stupid or gay I sound.
Chris & Co. is a whole other matter. I considered those fucks my friends and now they would never notice if I was gone. Like I care. They're a bunch of jerks most of the time anyways. Goddamn Chris is the worst. He says things that don't have anything to do with what we're talking about and it doesn't even make sense. Then, when I ask what the fuck he's saying, he says I'm a retard for not understanding. I'd kill that fucking leprechaun if it wasn't illegal. I try to ignore him, but he doesn't leave me the fuck alone. If I had less classes(or none I wish) with him, it'd be a lot more obvious and I wouldn't have to deal with him.....EVER!
I have a lot more to say, but that shall be in a later installment or maybe not.
"Be like the birds, sing after every storm."
// posted by Unknown @ 4:52 PM 
