Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Sometimes: Excerpts from the Mind of a Madman
Sometimes I can't wait to see what dying is like. If it's anything like this, I'll give up now because it's pointless to go on if it's going to end like this, anyways. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach and can't catch my breath. I feel like my heart is going to beat right through my chest, then I'll be able to see how broken and stressed it is, then I could die. Blood blinding me, soaking my shirt, and spraying the screen.(I wonder if I'd piss my pants because I'm holding it in real bad right now.) Be kind of like a B-zombie-movie gore scene, but who cares? The coroner, maybe, but otherwise, no. I don't care I hate myself, too. I wish I could just fast forward 5 years or go back all the way. God, there are so many things I wish I could change. High school, middle school, and, yes, sadly, even, elementary because now that I look back I was everything I hate. I'd want to change every bad decision I made, too. I wonder how I'd deal with all the "loves of my lives" because I am not built to cheat on people. My thighs are too scrawny.
"I feel horrible. She doesn’t
love me and I wander around
the house like a sewing machine
that’s just finished sewing
a turd to a garbage can lid."
-Richard Brautigan(He's in my top three greatest writers.)
(Read the first line only, then the first and second line only, and so on.)
Sometimes I can't wait to see what dying is like. If it's anything like this, I'll give up now because it's pointless to go on if it's going to end like this, anyways. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach and can't catch my breath. I feel like my heart is going to beat right through my chest, then I'll be able to see how broken and stressed it is, then I could die. Blood blinding me, soaking my shirt, and spraying the screen.(I wonder if I'd piss my pants because I'm holding it in real bad right now.) Be kind of like a B-zombie-movie gore scene, but who cares? The coroner, maybe, but otherwise, no. I don't care I hate myself, too. I wish I could just fast forward 5 years or go back all the way. God, there are so many things I wish I could change. High school, middle school, and, yes, sadly, even, elementary because now that I look back I was everything I hate. I'd want to change every bad decision I made, too. I wonder how I'd deal with all the "loves of my lives" because I am not built to cheat on people. My thighs are too scrawny.
"I feel horrible. She doesn’t
love me and I wander around
the house like a sewing machine
that’s just finished sewing
a turd to a garbage can lid."
-Richard Brautigan(He's in my top three greatest writers.)
(Read the first line only, then the first and second line only, and so on.)
// posted by Unknown @ 11:30 PM 
