Sunday, January 25, 2004
Nowadays: The Further Deterioration of a Madman
I've been feeling outside of myself lately and it scares me, but not as much as you'd think it would. Why? Because what I'm feeling right now is just an amplification of what I've always been feeling. The usually small, depressing half(the small half?) of my brain has become the big part and covered and destroyed whatever part of my brain that makes me the usually cheery(no matter how fake it may be, some of it's real) Robbie Suave. And I can't explain what it is. Desperation? Desperate to get out of here. Desperate to find her. Desperate to have better friends. I used to think about suicide hypothetically, like if the future ever seemed too intimidating or my life ever seems like it will go nowhere or if I get to a certain age and am still alone, but now that all those conditions and more have been met....
Maybe biting the bullet won't be as bad as you'd think or driving off Scenic Drive with "Lift Your Head Up High" blaring would be more fun and maybe your adrenaline will be pumping so fast that everything will be as slow as it is in movies when people do it. I guess I'll listen to Staind and stay depressed for as long as I can. Oh Well.
"There's someone in my head, but it's not me."
I've been feeling outside of myself lately and it scares me, but not as much as you'd think it would. Why? Because what I'm feeling right now is just an amplification of what I've always been feeling. The usually small, depressing half(the small half?) of my brain has become the big part and covered and destroyed whatever part of my brain that makes me the usually cheery(no matter how fake it may be, some of it's real) Robbie Suave. And I can't explain what it is. Desperation? Desperate to get out of here. Desperate to find her. Desperate to have better friends. I used to think about suicide hypothetically, like if the future ever seemed too intimidating or my life ever seems like it will go nowhere or if I get to a certain age and am still alone, but now that all those conditions and more have been met....
Maybe biting the bullet won't be as bad as you'd think or driving off Scenic Drive with "Lift Your Head Up High" blaring would be more fun and maybe your adrenaline will be pumping so fast that everything will be as slow as it is in movies when people do it. I guess I'll listen to Staind and stay depressed for as long as I can. Oh Well.
"There's someone in my head, but it's not me."
// posted by Unknown @ 5:45 PM 
