Saturday, January 31, 2004
The Underground
We hate to be labeled
but we are more than proud
to call ourselves garage
people call us garbage
but what do they know
we're God's gifts to strings
we can't really play
but does it really matter
'cause you're forced to like us
whether you like it or not
'cause if you're not diverse
you might as well die
but if you're not true to our roots
we'll kill you ourselves
'cause we hate people who don't like us
and we have to make you feel stupid
for not being our clones
we wear stuff from the Goodwill dumpster
and call it stylish vintage
A label thinks we're good?
Let's bow down to the Man
We are the underground
We're super cool
we're ultra smooth
and we're not hip to jive
We are the underground
We've got no taste
We've got no style
but we get sex like whores
We are the underground
We hate the prez
We hate the gov
With no clue as to why
We hate to be labeled
but we are more than proud
to call ourselves garage
people call us garbage
but what do they know
we're God's gifts to strings
we can't really play
but does it really matter
'cause you're forced to like us
whether you like it or not
'cause if you're not diverse
you might as well die
but if you're not true to our roots
we'll kill you ourselves
'cause we hate people who don't like us
and we have to make you feel stupid
for not being our clones
we wear stuff from the Goodwill dumpster
and call it stylish vintage
A label thinks we're good?
Let's bow down to the Man
We are the underground
We're super cool
we're ultra smooth
and we're not hip to jive
We are the underground
We've got no taste
We've got no style
but we get sex like whores
We are the underground
We hate the prez
We hate the gov
With no clue as to why
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
My Two Cents on 50 Cent
"50 Cent" has to be the stupidest black man, actually stupidest man, alive. This guy was just a small time drug dealer,(La-Dee-Da. Who isn't these days? My uncle was one.) but he acts like he was some huge underworld name. Plus, "50 Cent" was a dumb fuck who messed up and got shot nine fucking times. Then, he tries to play it off like he's some badass for surviving. That's what those hospitals do. Save your life, no matter how useless you may be to society. I watched his new video today and, my God, is it the dumbest thing I've ever seen. He's some mob boss, like that stupid G-Unit thing is the Mafia, and he takes over all the other mob bosses. He acts like that's how it is. I'm not "in the game" myself, but I'm pretty sure big, bad mob bosses don't just bend over and take it in the ass from some dumb shit. Then at the end of the video, "50 Cent" has a front company called Yayo's. I'll stab that nigger in the face. It's llello, fuck! Just because it's in The Godfather doesn't mean that's what happens all the time.
"50 Cent" has to be the stupidest black man, actually stupidest man, alive. This guy was just a small time drug dealer,(La-Dee-Da. Who isn't these days? My uncle was one.) but he acts like he was some huge underworld name. Plus, "50 Cent" was a dumb fuck who messed up and got shot nine fucking times. Then, he tries to play it off like he's some badass for surviving. That's what those hospitals do. Save your life, no matter how useless you may be to society. I watched his new video today and, my God, is it the dumbest thing I've ever seen. He's some mob boss, like that stupid G-Unit thing is the Mafia, and he takes over all the other mob bosses. He acts like that's how it is. I'm not "in the game" myself, but I'm pretty sure big, bad mob bosses don't just bend over and take it in the ass from some dumb shit. Then at the end of the video, "50 Cent" has a front company called Yayo's. I'll stab that nigger in the face. It's llello, fuck! Just because it's in The Godfather doesn't mean that's what happens all the time.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Nowadays: The Further Deterioration of a Madman
I've been feeling outside of myself lately and it scares me, but not as much as you'd think it would. Why? Because what I'm feeling right now is just an amplification of what I've always been feeling. The usually small, depressing half(the small half?) of my brain has become the big part and covered and destroyed whatever part of my brain that makes me the usually cheery(no matter how fake it may be, some of it's real) Robbie Suave. And I can't explain what it is. Desperation? Desperate to get out of here. Desperate to find her. Desperate to have better friends. I used to think about suicide hypothetically, like if the future ever seemed too intimidating or my life ever seems like it will go nowhere or if I get to a certain age and am still alone, but now that all those conditions and more have been met....
Maybe biting the bullet won't be as bad as you'd think or driving off Scenic Drive with "Lift Your Head Up High" blaring would be more fun and maybe your adrenaline will be pumping so fast that everything will be as slow as it is in movies when people do it. I guess I'll listen to Staind and stay depressed for as long as I can. Oh Well.
"There's someone in my head, but it's not me."
I've been feeling outside of myself lately and it scares me, but not as much as you'd think it would. Why? Because what I'm feeling right now is just an amplification of what I've always been feeling. The usually small, depressing half(the small half?) of my brain has become the big part and covered and destroyed whatever part of my brain that makes me the usually cheery(no matter how fake it may be, some of it's real) Robbie Suave. And I can't explain what it is. Desperation? Desperate to get out of here. Desperate to find her. Desperate to have better friends. I used to think about suicide hypothetically, like if the future ever seemed too intimidating or my life ever seems like it will go nowhere or if I get to a certain age and am still alone, but now that all those conditions and more have been met....
Maybe biting the bullet won't be as bad as you'd think or driving off Scenic Drive with "Lift Your Head Up High" blaring would be more fun and maybe your adrenaline will be pumping so fast that everything will be as slow as it is in movies when people do it. I guess I'll listen to Staind and stay depressed for as long as I can. Oh Well.
"There's someone in my head, but it's not me."
Friday, January 23, 2004
Blah? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH?
So right now my mom and dad are yelling at each other for something really stupid. I couldn't even figure out what they were fighting over. It was something about how my dad supports the family, but I didn't know what my dad was mad about. My mom was saying that, if my dad died for whatever reason, the business would fall to the ground and she wouldnt be able to take care of us without whatever they were fighting about. So I'm thinking it might be how much money my dad thinks we're "wasting"(nuetral quotes) on life insurance. That's the kind of stupid shit they fight about all the goddamn time.
I almost burned down the house right now. Fucking awesome. I had all my stuff that I consider tremendously important, like my creative ourpourings, in my pack so I could throw them out the window and jump out in case the whole thing went ablaze. See, it was all planned, so I'm not just an idiot who stuck a wire into the wall. It was purely scientific. I figured if it went up in smoke, I'd disappear into the night and everyone would think I was dead,(Hey, then my psuedonym could be Huck Finn-ster or something dumb like that.) and if they thought I was dead then they wouldn't look for me and everything would be bliss.
So right now my mom and dad are yelling at each other for something really stupid. I couldn't even figure out what they were fighting over. It was something about how my dad supports the family, but I didn't know what my dad was mad about. My mom was saying that, if my dad died for whatever reason, the business would fall to the ground and she wouldnt be able to take care of us without whatever they were fighting about. So I'm thinking it might be how much money my dad thinks we're "wasting"(nuetral quotes) on life insurance. That's the kind of stupid shit they fight about all the goddamn time.
I almost burned down the house right now. Fucking awesome. I had all my stuff that I consider tremendously important, like my creative ourpourings, in my pack so I could throw them out the window and jump out in case the whole thing went ablaze. See, it was all planned, so I'm not just an idiot who stuck a wire into the wall. It was purely scientific. I figured if it went up in smoke, I'd disappear into the night and everyone would think I was dead,(Hey, then my psuedonym could be Huck Finn-ster or something dumb like that.) and if they thought I was dead then they wouldn't look for me and everything would be bliss.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Sometimes: Excerpts from the Mind of a Madman
Sometimes I lose all hope, knowing my dreams are set way too high for a chump like me to ever aspire to. Actually, that's not true. It happens most times. I guess the fact that I haven't seen the sun for days just emphasizes it so much more. I want to feel the warmth on my skin and not have to wear that fucking jacket all day long.
I need to start picking a lot better friends. I know less than five people that I could even think of calling my best friends. And when I tell people my problems with this, they say "Find better friends." It's not that easy when these people are leeching off of me. It's not that easy when I don't know anyone else. It's not easy when I go to a school where these guys are the cream of the crop. Guess I'll have to stick with them for now. Oh well. Old habits die hard.
I've been having a lot of regrets about past decisions. I want to make things right. Nothing was supposed to be this way, but everyone abandons me. Fucking world should die. I want to fix it. I need to build a time machine. Or a really big bomb.
I can't wait until I get that car. Once I get it I'm out of here no second chances for anyone. I'll get in touch with you if I want to talk to you. And it'd be highly unlikely because why would I want to go through all the stuff that you people have done to me.
"I just want to see some palm trees."
"But to me coming from you, friend is a four letter word."
"I remember when we spoke back then. I was cold and insincere."
"He was out on the run knowing he could get by."
Sometimes I lose all hope, knowing my dreams are set way too high for a chump like me to ever aspire to. Actually, that's not true. It happens most times. I guess the fact that I haven't seen the sun for days just emphasizes it so much more. I want to feel the warmth on my skin and not have to wear that fucking jacket all day long.
I need to start picking a lot better friends. I know less than five people that I could even think of calling my best friends. And when I tell people my problems with this, they say "Find better friends." It's not that easy when these people are leeching off of me. It's not that easy when I don't know anyone else. It's not easy when I go to a school where these guys are the cream of the crop. Guess I'll have to stick with them for now. Oh well. Old habits die hard.
I've been having a lot of regrets about past decisions. I want to make things right. Nothing was supposed to be this way, but everyone abandons me. Fucking world should die. I want to fix it. I need to build a time machine. Or a really big bomb.
I can't wait until I get that car. Once I get it I'm out of here no second chances for anyone. I'll get in touch with you if I want to talk to you. And it'd be highly unlikely because why would I want to go through all the stuff that you people have done to me.
"I just want to see some palm trees."
"But to me coming from you, friend is a four letter word."
"I remember when we spoke back then. I was cold and insincere."
"He was out on the run knowing he could get by."
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
blahg
Will you? Won't you?
I'm watching the very beginning of the news on Fox and usually, when there's only one anchor, they say that their co-anchor is on vacation. Well, today, the guy says that the girl is out "on maternity leave." Now that probably means it was the day she was actually having the baby because you can sit at a desk and tell the news whether you're the size of a bus or not. {Al Roker sure does it[, but he's not an anchor, is he?(We get to see that turtle's enormous girth daily and in the full.)]} But imagining that woman bringing forth a blood-covered child into the world is disgusting. I've met her in the flesh and, whether the camera adds ten pounds or not, it sure adds a whole lot of pretty. However, I would have been even more disgusted if the guy said she was out getting her weekly colonic.(Weekly?! I'm demented.)
Will you? Won't you?
I'm watching the very beginning of the news on Fox and usually, when there's only one anchor, they say that their co-anchor is on vacation. Well, today, the guy says that the girl is out "on maternity leave." Now that probably means it was the day she was actually having the baby because you can sit at a desk and tell the news whether you're the size of a bus or not. {Al Roker sure does it[, but he's not an anchor, is he?(We get to see that turtle's enormous girth daily and in the full.)]} But imagining that woman bringing forth a blood-covered child into the world is disgusting. I've met her in the flesh and, whether the camera adds ten pounds or not, it sure adds a whole lot of pretty. However, I would have been even more disgusted if the guy said she was out getting her weekly colonic.(Weekly?! I'm demented.)
Friday, January 09, 2004
Gut Wrench
I've got a gut feeling.
A feeling that churns my insides.
Leaves me always reeling
Like so many roller coaster rides.
Feeling like mass upheaval,
But not in front of my true one.
Her sight settles the evil
That comes back whenever she's gone.
I spill my guts for her pleasure.
Does she like the painting I paint?
Regardless of how she answers
I'll always feel a little faint.
But I get dizzy each time she speaks.
Aphrodisiac, her breath must be.
Express my feelings? Must be weak.
Laugh at my thoughts. They're so funny.
I've got a gut feeling.
A feeling that churns my insides.
Leaves me always reeling
Like so many roller coaster rides.
Feeling like mass upheaval,
But not in front of my true one.
Her sight settles the evil
That comes back whenever she's gone.
I spill my guts for her pleasure.
Does she like the painting I paint?
Regardless of how she answers
I'll always feel a little faint.
But I get dizzy each time she speaks.
Aphrodisiac, her breath must be.
Express my feelings? Must be weak.
Laugh at my thoughts. They're so funny.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Different little ditties that I never completely finished.
They let go of my hand when we first left the hospital
He's a big boy now, at least death would be profitable
I walked alone for so long
And suddenly you come along
You saved me from myself and the rest of the world
Must be an angel this is one big miracle
When I'm standing on the curb that they kicked me to
Gonna jump in front of a bus then along comes you
(Mr. Moore taught me well. Look at that line!)
I found a map, but lost our course
Have a feeling we're not heading north
I think now down is our only way
What can I do to make you stay
Or is there something I could say
To brighten up your darkest day
You were my favorite guide
You wouldn't believe how I've cried
Why do I bother telling you
You are rubber and I am glue
It will linger here with me
keeping me from ecstasy
These bags are getting heavy. I can't sleep anymore.
Every time I close my eyes I see you, stupid whore.
Fuck you and the games that are your way.
Fuck you and everything you say.
Your judgment is in season,
but I hear you speak no reason.
Why should I waste my time?
Hearing my punishment for your crime.
I can't stand you
Can't you understand that
Made a mistake
Just forget that I asked
All I wanted was a place of my own
Wife and kids to which I'd come home
A place where there is no debt
And as I grow old my days get better yet
Take me away to paradise
Tall glass to drink chock full of ice
I lie to myself saying everything's fine
but I'm counting the days til Cloud Number 9
In a short while I'll leave this place
and go off to some other empty space
You don't know how much I'll miss you
No matter how much I dissed you
I always thought there was a connection
but I just got your deflection
I acted like I thought it was for the best
when I was really thinking where in peace I'd rest
They let go of my hand when we first left the hospital
He's a big boy now, at least death would be profitable
I walked alone for so long
And suddenly you come along
You saved me from myself and the rest of the world
Must be an angel this is one big miracle
When I'm standing on the curb that they kicked me to
Gonna jump in front of a bus then along comes you
(Mr. Moore taught me well. Look at that line!)
I found a map, but lost our course
Have a feeling we're not heading north
I think now down is our only way
What can I do to make you stay
Or is there something I could say
To brighten up your darkest day
You were my favorite guide
You wouldn't believe how I've cried
Why do I bother telling you
You are rubber and I am glue
It will linger here with me
keeping me from ecstasy
These bags are getting heavy. I can't sleep anymore.
Every time I close my eyes I see you, stupid whore.
Fuck you and the games that are your way.
Fuck you and everything you say.
Your judgment is in season,
but I hear you speak no reason.
Why should I waste my time?
Hearing my punishment for your crime.
I can't stand you
Can't you understand that
Made a mistake
Just forget that I asked
All I wanted was a place of my own
Wife and kids to which I'd come home
A place where there is no debt
And as I grow old my days get better yet
Take me away to paradise
Tall glass to drink chock full of ice
I lie to myself saying everything's fine
but I'm counting the days til Cloud Number 9
In a short while I'll leave this place
and go off to some other empty space
You don't know how much I'll miss you
No matter how much I dissed you
I always thought there was a connection
but I just got your deflection
I acted like I thought it was for the best
when I was really thinking where in peace I'd rest
blahg
Love's really a curse, isn't it?
I think, I THINK, I like someone. Of course, I'm not sure(because then that'd mean I'm committing and we can't have that now, can we?). For some strange reason, I feel that's the worst thing I can do. I can't like this girl. Why? Because I hate her with every shred of my existence, or I'm supposed to, at least. When I met her, I felt immediate and immeasurable contempt for her. I knew it was destiny that we hate each other. Why? Who knows? Maybe I thought I met her just for the purpose of knowing my antithesis, my archenemy. Maybe she will be my opponent in the war to end all wars, the war between heaven and hell(,who's on whose side I couldn't say). Equals matched up toe-to-toe to see who will be the better. Much like my soulmate would be my equal. More likely I'm the better in any case, of course. Or maybe we are equals matched up together to interlock perfectly. To cover each other exactly in all the bad and good spots. To strengthen the one-ply of my fragile mind with her support. This is a stupid way to describe it, I KNOW, but whatever. Of course, every girl I ever liked was a potential soulmate and they all had their marred spots. Not marred as in bad, but they strayed from "perfection" so they got the boot. Or more I got the boot for the better.....every God damned time. Well look, now I'm acting like a bitch again.
Love's really a curse, isn't it?
I think, I THINK, I like someone. Of course, I'm not sure(because then that'd mean I'm committing and we can't have that now, can we?). For some strange reason, I feel that's the worst thing I can do. I can't like this girl. Why? Because I hate her with every shred of my existence, or I'm supposed to, at least. When I met her, I felt immediate and immeasurable contempt for her. I knew it was destiny that we hate each other. Why? Who knows? Maybe I thought I met her just for the purpose of knowing my antithesis, my archenemy. Maybe she will be my opponent in the war to end all wars, the war between heaven and hell(,who's on whose side I couldn't say). Equals matched up toe-to-toe to see who will be the better. Much like my soulmate would be my equal. More likely I'm the better in any case, of course. Or maybe we are equals matched up together to interlock perfectly. To cover each other exactly in all the bad and good spots. To strengthen the one-ply of my fragile mind with her support. This is a stupid way to describe it, I KNOW, but whatever. Of course, every girl I ever liked was a potential soulmate and they all had their marred spots. Not marred as in bad, but they strayed from "perfection" so they got the boot. Or more I got the boot for the better.....every God damned time. Well look, now I'm acting like a bitch again.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Sometimes: Excerpts from the Mind of a Madman
Sometimes I wonder why I keep posting on this stupid site. It's always a bunch of crap that no one wants to read. Well, I do guess I'm wrong there. Almost a hundred people for each month this pathetic site has been up. Enjoy reading horribly-articulated non-sympathy-stirring agony, do ya? Well, get some better taste in literature because I'm tired of writing shit. Believe me, there's more than plenty to write, but now my privacy has been destroyed. I lost the joy of writing because of all the stupid comments everyone makes on my "work." So don't tell me about how much you hate it or what was funny because I don't want to hear it. I brought some of this on myself by advertising it, but it was always my own private safe haven, FUCKINGCOCKSUCKINGSTUPIDSHITMOTHERFUCKERS.
Seems like the new year isn't as happy as wished for at all. Everyone is still a bunch of bastards.(Which is funny, me calling everyone but myself a bastard.) And it seems the shit never ends. I want to finish school, but I want to leave, too. School will always be last priority to anything, but it helps with the other ones after it's gone, supposedly. I could stand living blue collar, though. I'd hate working 40 hours a week, but that's inescapable. So I guess I'm out of here soon. By spring break is projected. By summer at latest. So if I don't see you, rot in hell, ya stupid bastards.
"So I pray and wait for a sign from my guides. They help me proceed as I lay and dream of a future."
P.S. That rot in hell isn't for everyone, just most.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep posting on this stupid site. It's always a bunch of crap that no one wants to read. Well, I do guess I'm wrong there. Almost a hundred people for each month this pathetic site has been up. Enjoy reading horribly-articulated non-sympathy-stirring agony, do ya? Well, get some better taste in literature because I'm tired of writing shit. Believe me, there's more than plenty to write, but now my privacy has been destroyed. I lost the joy of writing because of all the stupid comments everyone makes on my "work." So don't tell me about how much you hate it or what was funny because I don't want to hear it. I brought some of this on myself by advertising it, but it was always my own private safe haven, FUCKINGCOCKSUCKINGSTUPIDSHITMOTHERFUCKERS.
Seems like the new year isn't as happy as wished for at all. Everyone is still a bunch of bastards.(Which is funny, me calling everyone but myself a bastard.) And it seems the shit never ends. I want to finish school, but I want to leave, too. School will always be last priority to anything, but it helps with the other ones after it's gone, supposedly. I could stand living blue collar, though. I'd hate working 40 hours a week, but that's inescapable. So I guess I'm out of here soon. By spring break is projected. By summer at latest. So if I don't see you, rot in hell, ya stupid bastards.
"So I pray and wait for a sign from my guides. They help me proceed as I lay and dream of a future."
P.S. That rot in hell isn't for everyone, just most.
